Saturday, November 13, 2010

These Days by The Black Keys

"These Days"

My hand to God
I didn't mean to
After all
Look what we've been through
Men come in different shades
That's how we're made

The little house on Ellis Drive
Is where I felt most alive
The oak tree covered that old Ford
I miss it Lord, I miss it Lord

These blood red eyes
Don't see so good
But what's worse is if they could
Would I change my ways?
Wasted times and broken dreams
Violent colors so obscene
It's all I see these days
These days

Watch what you say
The devil is listenin'
He's got ears that you
Wouldn't believe
And brother once you go to him
It's your soul you can never retrieve

These blood red eyes
Don't see so good
But what's worse is if they could
Would I change my ways?
Wasted times and broken dreams
Violent colors so obscene
It's all I see these days
These days

(click on title to hear song)

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Search

"When I got rid of God-belief, a new thing happened. I realized I wasn’t simply making a factual claim. Asking whether God existed wasn’t like asking if there was a box of crackers in the pantry. I found out quickly that when I said, “There’s no God.” I was making a claim about all of reality. When I believed in God, the world around me had purpose. It had been carefully orchestrated and it moved forward toward a goal. Stepping away from God meant an end to all that. In leaving God aside, a new vision of the world emerged. Everything around me and within me became mechanical, unthinking, and chaotic."

"Evolution too can be quite beautiful—in the words of one recent book it’s “the greatest show on earth”—but I found my own formation deeply troubling. The excessive greed and gluttony, violence and lust etched into my DNA often made me miserable. It wouldn’t be so bad if fear and overeating, promiscuity and aggression were healthy; but these were not signs of a good life. They were obstacles. They consistently made my life miserable. On the face of it, I found I wasn’t a mere animal. I recognized that I was an animal preprogrammed to think and act in self-destructive ways, ways that didn’t care about “me”—only about the promotion and replication of my genes."

"I may accomplish all I wish. I may pursue and achieve “the good life”, but the end has been scripted and it’s not gracious. I will read my books, I will take my pictures, and then the world which handed me my out-of-control body will take it back again—and it will do it without thought or remorse.
Again, I’m not a depressed person, and I bet you’re not either, but I recognized that I was deceiving myself if I didn’t own the real and pressing problem of death. Everything around me was dying. My wife would die. My sons would die. Everyone in my family would die. Everyone in my city and my culture would die. Everyone on this planet would die, and the human race fairs no better. The earth will die when the sun grows to an enormous size and engulfs our world. Our solar system will die when the sun exhausts its remaining energy. The entire natural order will eventually die as our universe turns all its remaining gas into stars and those star inevitably burn out. Entropy holds the reigns, and in the distant future all that will remain of our once beautiful cosmos will be a dark, thinning gas."

"I realized that death was a thief, and it was robbing me now of all the significance, all the meaning I could hope to find. Everything I might want to build was already debris, for when I asked the question, “What should I do with my life? What should I care about?” The answer that came screaming back at me was, “It doesn’t matter. It will all disappear.”"

"I consistently hit this spot where I recognized that the only hope for myself, my wife, my sons, my friends, my culture to transcend death and bondage to the chemicals within us was help from something separate from the blind, degenerating natural order. There was nothing any of us could do to create a lasting life or freedom.
We need a soul"

"Of course, you don’t need to actually believe in God to make this step. Many of the wisest and most careful thinkers I know reject belief in God. They hold that life is absurd, but many of them continue to look with hope—and this seems to me the most rational place to be. Come down where you will, I find it ridiculous to pretend like God’s existence makes no difference at all. Everything in my experiences scream out that we should devote our best energies and thinking to looking for a God."

"Eventually I put it all together and I concluded, if love is real, if freedom is real, if lasting significance is possible—God must be real. Only a God-like being could care about me and those I love. Only a God could choose to infuse us all with a life that is more than chemicals spinning as they will. Only a personality can see our natural plight, can understand that everything we build, every love we have is crumbling before us. Only a being with considerable strength can mercifully change our natural course. Only a God could transform the hellish condition in which I initially found myself. Death and genetics are immensely powerful, and it would take something with enormous muscle and compassion to push back the course of nature so everyone I cared for might really live."

"I lost nothing by seeking a God who cared for me, but I would lose everything I cared for if that God was not there."
- Debris

Extremely touching essay about the search for God - Look it up and read it. - and these are only a few excerpts! :)

The World Spins Madly On by The Weepies

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'm in the Twilight Zone!

So. I have this affliction called - sleepiusthroughphilosophyclassitus. It has a devistating effect on my ability to be awake in order to make it to my philosophy class. Oh how it haunts my days. If only I were normal, like all the other eager school children, ready to be taught and learn knowledge...But alas, sleepiusthroughphilosophyclassitus, or STPC as I like to call it, prevents this from being so.

The reason I am finally coming out about my disease is that I recently decided to battle this terrible illness; who am I if not strong enough to wage war with my harrowing weaknesses!? So with this renewed strength in my resolve today, I set off for my philosophy class that starts at 7pm. Only, as I made it to outside the room, I discovered that there were people already in my class! Watching a black and white movie and reveling in the being-in-classness that I was not enjoying. How could this be, I thought?! I was early, in order to procure notes from the last couple of classes that I had missed due to STPC! Surely I was just a little too early, I reasoned, so I therefore set off embarrassingly down the hallway, digging into my bag to find my syllabus. This would surely set things straight for me. Only, it did not. Since when was my class on Mondays, Wednesdays AND Fridays? and how long had my class started at 6pm? I must have the wrong syllabus, or else the teacher must have just handed out a basic one for all his classes. If my class had started at 6, my STPC must have put me more off track than I thought! Too embarrassed to walk into class if it was almost over, I trekked to the library to make things clearer.

At the library I found a cosy computer next to the wall in which to do my investigating. After logging in, I found the link to my philosophy class and discovered that I had been correct - class was at 7pm. This was good news, I was not crazy after all, but, who then was in my classroom? The thought came to me that maybe the teacher had cancelled class today or otherwise moved it...either the place or the time. Convinced that any self respecting teacher would send a reminder email to all his students, I checked my school email account to confirm my suspicions. But he hadn't sent an email. Not one! My only email from this teacher was a link to the reading we were supposed to have read today, which as another symptom of STPC, I had not done. I was now extremely confused. I had gone to the same room as before, at the same time as before and yet, nothing was as it was before!

After exhausting all my efforts on the trusty school computer, I determined that I would head back to the classroom. Maybe I could get there in time for the class to be dismissed and ask one of my fellow students what in the world was happening. I was just in time! The class was leaving as I got back around 7:22pm, so I hurried to catch up to someone I recognized. I didn't recognize anyone! Even the teacher that left the classroom was distinctly more geriatric than my memories of the attractive 30 something teacher of before.

I decided to call it quits. I had no clue what happened and I was too distraught over missing my Philosophy class yet again to even try catching up to anyone else. I must now gather the courage to email my teacher and explain my STPC to him and my twilight zone experience. Hopefully he will be understanding of my plight.

Dedicated to Meredith...

Today, while in my car listening to wonderful music, I came across a song that had one lyric that made me feel very uncomfortable, and thus reminded me of Meredith - an awesomely amazing friend of mine. This particular lyric I heard, well, it really speaks of friendship and love and devotion. So it inspired me to find other songs with this same lyric...
Each of the songs below has one lyric in common, sometimes its the first lyric, sometimes its hidden within the song. Its a beautiful tribute to stalkers...uh...friendship everywhere.

Girls Aloud – The Loving Kind

Peter Frampton – Show me the Way

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Idina Menzel – So Beautiful

Lowest of the Low – Eternal Fatalist

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Tainted Love

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”
- Unknown

“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
- Unknown

“People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
- Ernest Hemingway

Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
- Walter Anderson

Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit

A cripple walks amongst you
All you tired human beings
He's got all the things a cripple has
Not working arms and legs
And vital parts fall from his system
And dissolve in Scottish rain
Vitally he doesn't miss them
He's too messed up to care

Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
On his last leg

Well, I crippled your heart a hundred times
And still can't work out why
You see, I've got this disease I can't shake
And I'm just rattling through life
Well, this is how we do things now
Yeah, this is how the modern stay scared
So I cut out all the good stuff
Yeah, I cut off my foot to spite my leg

Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg

Well, I am ill
But I'm not dead
And I don't know which of those I prefer
Because that limb which I have lost
Well, it was the only thing holding me up
Holding me up
Well, I'm lying on the ground now
Walking through the only door
Well, I have lost my eyesight
Like I said I would
But I still know

And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well, are you a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg

And you are not ill
And I'm not dead
Doesn't that make us the perfect pair?
Just you and me
We'll start again
And you can tell me all about what you did today
What you did today

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

When you play with my hair, you're actually making love to me. Did you know that?

At work I have nothing better to do (besides work) than look up random things. Todays random selection of reading material was "things we (woman) wish men knew about us". It seemed cheesy, and maybe it is, but these little bits of information are all so true and I feel it is my duty to let the male population know what is up. I feel like women are pretty straight forward, yet everyone (including women) is so confused about what we want! It is definitely maddening as a member of this gender, but here is my gift to men: While yes, I have chosen each of these facts because they are true for me, someone wrote them - so they must be true for many women.


--If it ever comes down to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft you have bigger issues than not understanding women.

--We pretty much hate you when you order a salad. That's what we have girlfriends for. If you diet, we need to diet. So, when you order a salad, you're essentially calling us fat.

--ZZ Top was right: Knowing how to rock a suit or dress uniform will noticeably increase your sexiness. We don't know why, but it works. Ditto with guitars. Unless, ironically, you look like ZZ Top.

--Be honest. Chances are we're just waiting for you to speak up and go after what you want so we can say 'yes'.

--We might be your best friend, but we'll never be one of the guys. So no, we don’t want to come smell that.

--A hug followed by eye contact followed by pushing our hair behind our ear followed by a soft kiss takes less than twenty seconds and says far more than a verbal apology.

--Imagine the worst charley horse you've ever had, and place it somewhere between your bellybutton and your butt hole. That's what we mean by "cramps." Be sympathetic.

--All women are secretly made of solid gold.

--We're intimidated by you when you travel in loud packs. We think you're creepy when you're out alone. We don't trust you when you're out with a female "friend." Your odds are best when you're in a group of three or four. Or with us.

--Big, white, clean teeth.

--Our girlfriends have seen that picture we swore to you we deleted. This is just the way it works. It's best that you don't even bring it up.

--We judge you based on how you treat us when we're sick.

--When you play with my hair, you're actually making love to me. Did you know that?

--Men with dogs? Yes. Men with cats? Not so much

--Hold our hands when we're alone, hold our hands in front of our girlfriends — just hold our hands.

--You cannot imagine the amount of stuff we have to do to look this good. It's like a second job. It's much more than waxing and manicures. It's really weird stuff that would completely freak you out. Don't try to understand it. Just appreciate our effort.

--Bikini waxing actually isn't as painful as we let on.

--Escorting us into a room with your hand at the small of our back makes us smile.

--You know that body hair you're self-conscious about? We love it. It's the hairless ones that should worry.

--We like hand-holding and kisses on the cheek. We also like to be "manhandled." It's a fine line, really.

--If you don't touch us in public, the relationship is going nowhere—fast. (this goes for just brushing our hair back, or hand holding, or an arm around the shoulder - I'm not asking for slobbering pda...)

--We don't expect us to agree on everything. We actually want you to have an opinion.

--If I'm upset and I refuse to tell you why, it probably means I already realize my reasoning is stupid and I just need to let the hormones wear off. But if you keep yelling at me, I'll have a reason to be mad, so just feel lucky and leave me alone

--Don't ask why we're afraid of insects. Just kill the dang bug, already.

--We love it when you get specific. Saying you love a specific quirk or body part sounds a lot better than "you're pretty."

--Nicknames. We really love nicknames.

--It's not that girls don't like nice guys, it's that we can distinguish between genuinely nice and desperate.

--Sometimes the tacky stuffed animal you won for us at the carnival is better than the gold earrings.

--We love it when you're good at something you enjoy. We don't care what it is — sports, fishing; hell, even cross-stitching or tap dancing. We just like to be proud of you.

--Men, as a rule, should not wear necklaces.

--When breaking up with a woman, just do it. Gently but firmly say that you're no longer interested. Yes, it will hurt. Break-ups always hurt.

--If we offer you gum, it means we want to kiss you later. It's not an insult; just take the gum.

--It is not your duty to e-mail us two years after we broke up to tell us you're engaged, especially if we aren't speaking. You may as well punch us in the stomach.

--We don't even know what fantasy football is.

--There is a difference between putting on cologne and bathing.

--We don't all like chick flicks.

--We want you to love your mother. We just don't want you to looooovvve your mother.

--Every woman you've ever dates imagined what her name would sound like with your last name.

--We enjoy Twilight even though it's a four-volume installment of a fantasy you'll never live up to. It doesn't mean that that's what we want, and it doesn't mean you're not great

--Pants should cover your butt.

--We like it when you kiss the top of our head.

--We want you to have your "guy time." In fact, if you don't have a great group of men to hang around, it's a turn-off.

--More back massages.

--At the end of a first date, just call us the next day if you liked us. You can wait three days if you want, but it will only piss us off.

--If I see you treat waitstaff or cashiers poorly, I will probably never date you.

--We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don't want is for you to ask us if we want dessert.

--Guys who go to Hooters to watch the game are usually the same guys who go to lunch at strip clubs for the free chicken-fried steak. Don't be one of those guys.

--Otis Redding said it perfectly: Try a little tenderness.

--Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you.

--We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?

--We love the fact that it takes you only twelve minutes to get ready for anything, be it black tie or a basketball game. When it takes longer than that... what are you doing in there?

--We are all about our necks. Feel free to spend as much time there as you wish. (ooo, its gettin risque!)

--All women love to be referred to as 'm'lady.' As in, 'Would you like another chip, m'lady?'

--Everything sounds better when your mouth is next to our ear and you whisper it. Everything from 'Sorry about the smell' to 'I'm going to love you forever, m'lady.'"

--Even if we've only been dating a few weeks, don't introduce us as your 'lady friend' — or that's exactly what we'll become.

--When we fall asleep before the end of the film, it's because we are happy and relaxed, not because we're bored of Live Free or Die Hard.

--Men who wear sunglasses at night don't look cool, rich, or sexy. They look as if they should be holding a cane or following a dog.

--If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.

--Pick the weirdest part of our body and compliment it. The left elbow, the forehead, shins. Just be creative.

--We hate baby showers as much as you assume a sane person would.

--If you defend a girl as 'really smart when you get to know her,' she is dumb. What you mean is, she's 'really smart for a smokin'-hot girl who is stupid.'

--Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.

--Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.

--Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

--Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you. (wink wink)

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm a Creep

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so frickin special

But I 'm a creep
I 'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so frickin special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She run, run, run run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so frickin special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Completely Uninteresting Tidbit of Knowledge

Well hello there.

For those who enjoyed the cautionary tale of penis diseases, here is a possibly interesting nougat of information...

Greg is not the actual name of the unfortunate fellow, I changed it in order to give him some anonymity!

Also, quite frankly, I have forgotten his name.

The reason this is interesting, is because after this tragic even unfolded, I heard a song called "Go-Getter-Greg". This song I felt was made for penis boy, so I decided to make his name Greg in future recounting of the story.

So I bring to you the lyrics of Go-Getter-Greg and a link to youtube so you may actually hear the wonderful melody.


Oh, hello.
You must be new I guess
At least you're new to me
Saw you unpacking your car
So I said to myself
Maybe I should help her out
Since we're neighbors now
And all the other people here are elderly
And probably a little standoffish
And I've got nothing to do (and whatnot)
By the way I live in 207
My name is Greg
Wherever are my manners
Let me get that heavy box

I'm a go-getter guy
With a gun on my hip
I'm just searching for that someone
To be firing it
I've narrowed down the field
And I'm taking a glance
And I'd say you've got a pretty good chance
To be my girlfriend

What's up
Didn't mean to sneak up on you there
I looked downstairs and saw you leaving
So what's up
I haven't seen you at the pool
Since the barbecue
Not that I've been checking
Here's the deal
I've got this thing
For work this weekend
And I was wondering
If you don't have
Anything going on
That maybe
Ok, hey that's cool
You're busy
But we should hit up
Jose O'Flannegens
For jello shots
Your call
It's ok not this week
But Monday
You could come over tonight
I'll be watching cop dramas
Smoking fatty fatties

I'm a go-getter guy
With a gun on my hip
I'm just searching for that someone
To be firing it
I've narrowed down the field
And I'm taking a glance
And I'd say you've got a pretty good chance
To be my girlfriend

I've given it some thought
And I really think
That you could use
A guy like me
In your life
Looking after you
A man to take you home
A hand for you to hold
And I'd never
Leave you alone!

I'm a go-getter guy
With a gun on my hip
I'm just searching for that someone
To be firing it
I've narrowed down the field
And I'm taking a glance
And I'd say you've got a pretty good chance
To be my girlfriend

I'm a go-getter guy
I'm a go-getter guy
I've narrowed down the field
And I've taken a glance
And I'd say you've got a pretty good chance
To be my girlfriend

I'll leave it there
Call me back
Call me back

and for your listening pleasure, click on the title :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Complimentary backhanded compliments...what?

I want to preface this with saying that I understand that men sometimes don't really know how to compliment a woman in a way that makes her feel really good or special. I also understand that sometimes men just don't know what to say to women, therefore they sometimes make comments or compliments that are actually not very comlimentary. Finally, I also want to say that women are definitely more touchy and analytical when it comes to comments made by the opposite sex. (I understand my limitations and I usually try to work with them.) We over analyze, or we take a perfectly innocent comment or a very sincere compliment and twist it to be negative. I am not condoning this behavior, I merely speak from the heart.

With that being said, I believe that if one chooses to yell something out the window of ones car, it should be pretty dang important. As well as to the point - afterall, you only have a few seconds to get this vital piece of information across to the recipient while driving past them, so it leaves little room for error.

To explain this better, I will give an example of something that may or may not have just happened to me outside of the Kum and Go in Evans, Co.

I realized as I sat at my computer that I was in need of a cool beverage. Instead of drinking some of the perfectly good and nutritious water that we have abundant amounts of in our home, I chose to go to the Kum and Go for a delicious Vanilla Coke. (This is an establishment that I frequent, since I live only 2 blocks from it.) So, as I am leaving this gas station I see a very refined gentleman in a beat-up pick up truck, sideways baseball cap, and wearing a cut off muscle tee (in which there were no muscles to be seen, so it makes one wonder why this man would choose such a shirt). While heading to my car, this man decided that he absolutely had to tell me what he liked in a woman. I am normally very interested in these insights to the male psyche, but he yelled,

"Hey! I really like big women!" Winked, then went along his merry way.

It left me wondering, does he really like big women, or is he mocking me? If he does like big women, then why would he tell me this, unless he felt that I am a big woman. I have no illusions about my size, on the contrary I am very aware of it, since I do buy my own clothing. I also do not have any qualms about dating a man who likes big women, because I know that I like big men. Yet there is something very off-putting about someone yelling this fact out their car window, in a public place, where others may hear it. I wonder what his friends in the car thought of his declaration? Plus, I would prefer the man who felt this way to at least wear clothing that has not been altered by a rusty razor while the wielder is drunk.

The moral of this story, is that we should all be wary of "out of the car window shouters." These people are careless in giving their opinions and how they present themselves. Flinging their word vomit out the window, without regard to innocent passers-by. Any self respecting person, if they have something to say to another, should stop, get out of their car and walk up to the one they wish to say it to. What I hope this will accomplish is to make people realize, that whistling in someones face in a suggestive mannor, or making lewd and insulting comments to someones face just makes you look ridiculous. Therefore, the person who does this is ridiculous.

Nonetheless, muscle tee, I am flattered that you like big women, and that you decided to put me in this esteemed category.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Heavy in Your Arms - Florence and The Machine

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who's the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn't make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
Whispering like it's a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.

(click on the title and you'll be directed to the song :) )

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Feelings in Quotes - part 2

Just to clarify - These quotes and passages that I am choosing are not meant to say that I have mastered all my insecurities or that I am knowledgable on all these subjects. On the contrary, all the quotes from part 1 and part 2 are things that I need to tell myself, or that I need to learn. I am only sharing them on here because it might help someone else, but also so I can hopefully be able to get the words out myself.

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

These quotes about Love, I take them to mean more than just romantic love. Yes, that is definitely one way to interpret, but I take these as about love in general, the love for your family, friends, and any relationship.

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” - Swedish Proverb?

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

"A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away."
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, "You Are Sixteen (Reprise)"

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things." ~Author Unknown


"He seemed to be talking about my fears, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to see what was wonderful because tomorrow it might disappear and I might suffer. The gods throw the dice, and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not." - Paulo Coelho

"Insecurity exists in the absence of knowledge." - unknown

"A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." ~Robert A. Heinlein

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”-Maxwell Maltz

“Insecurity is selfish.” ~ Keri Harvey

Monday, June 14, 2010

Feelings in Quotes - part 1

I often have alot of trouble expressing my feelings (especially lately), not that I lack the desire, just a way with words. I feel that sometimes what I am trying to say doesn't actually come across the way I intended it, or I have something I want to say or express, but I am unable to formulate the necessary words/phrases/feeling etc. I have found that there are authors, historians, religious leaders,etc. that have already expressed a full range of human emotions, questions, fears, and sadness, so I will defer to them to somehow express what I am always trying to say.
I will say though, that this post definitely got away from me, but there are so many good things here, so many things I have been trying to say or I have needed people to say to me. So if you are willing, this is really good stuff. :)

"A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is... A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in."
C. S. Lewis

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” - C.S. Lewis

"We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ''Blessed are they that mourn.''” - C.S. Lewis

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained” - C.S. Lewis

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." - C.S. Lewis

"The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." - C.S. Lewis

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." - C.S. Lewis

"I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy." - C.S. Lewis

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning." - C.S. Lewis

"One of this nation's leading pollsters, Richard Wirthlin, has identified through polls an expression of the basic needs of people in the United States. These needs are self-esteem, peace of mind, and personal contentment. I believe these are needs of God's children everywhere. How can these needs be satisfied? I suggest that behind each of these is the requirement to establish one's own personal identity as the offspring of God. All three needs, regardless of ethnic background, culture, or country, can be met if we look to the divinity that is within us." - James E. Faust

“Each of us already knows we should tell the people we love that we love them. But what we know is not always reflected in what we do. We may feel unsure, awkward, or even perhaps a bit embarrassed. As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better. We should remember that saying ‘I love you’ is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love.” - David A. Bednar

"God's love is so perfect that He lovingly requires us to obey His commandments because He knows that only through obedience to His laws can we become perfect, as He is. For this reason, God's anger and His wrath are not a contradiction of His love but an evidence of His love. Every parent knows that you can love a child totally and completely while still being creatively angry and disappointed at that child's self-defeating behavior." - Dallin H. Oaks

"The Savior said: 'A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. . . .'By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another' (John 13:34–35). Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this truth: 'If you judge people, you have no time to love them.' "
-Thomas S. Monson

and this is one of my favorite hymns -

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.


The topic below kinda got away from me, So I'm making it sort of seperate from the rest of the quotes.

"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." - C.S. Lewis

"The only length of life that seems to satisfy the longings of the human heart is life everlasting."
"Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love."
-Russel M. Nelson

“Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

"Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.) As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven." - Russel M. Nelson

“Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” (2 Ne. 31:20; see also John 17:3.)

"Since the creation of man, no fact of life has been so certain as death with the close of mortality. When the last of life’s breath is drawn, there is a finality comparable to no other finality. When a father and mother lay the remains of a beloved child in the cold of the grave, there is grief almost inconsolable. When a husband buries the companion of his life, there is a loneliness that is poignant and unrelieved. When a wife closes the casket on the remains of her beloved husband, there are wounds that seem never to heal. When children are bereft of parents who loved and nurtured them, there is an abject destitution comparable to none other. Life is sacred, and death is somber. Life is buoyant and hopeful. Death is solemn and dark. It is awesome in its silence and certainty. Appropriately did Sir Walter Raleigh cry out, “O eloquent, just and mighty death”....But death is not final. Though it seems so when its dark shroud overshadows mortal life, to those who accept the Christ and His eternal mission there is light and comfort, there is assurance, there is certainty." - Gordon B. Hinckley

“There cometh [one day] one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw [Jesus], he fell at his feet,
“And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. …
“While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?
“As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:22–23, 35–36).

“And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father— That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God” (D&C 76:22–24).


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Poke - Frightened Rabbit

Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
and you try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
to make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its butt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.


Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung and tied a navy knot with arms at night
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Penis Disease Boy: A Cautionary Tale (final draft)

Penis Disease Boy: A Cautionary Tale

As I walked beside the very “hands on”, sweaty boy to my left, I kept my hands shoved in my pockets with the intent that they should stay there for the duration of this so-called “date”. My shoulders were hunched up around my neck in order to guard against any sneak attack that may arise, which was probably not far off. I leaned away from the man’s body and ducked from his hand like a dodge-ball pro. I visibly cringed with disgust when he made any attempt to initiate contact with any part of my body. I didn’t know what else I could have done in order to get the “for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME” message across without outright smacking him across the face, though he probably would have found that encouraging in some way and soldiered on.

Let us back track for a moment to seven hours earlier, where a girl (me) is sitting at a cash register in the food court of Brigham Young University – Idaho at seven in the morning, fighting the urge to fall into blissful, beautiful sleep. This girl has not had a date in, well, let’s just say a VERY long time. The reasons for this are known only to the human male mind, and therefore they are unknowable to the female population at large, i.e. this girl (me). Now, because this young, impressionable girl had not had many gentlemen callers, she was not inclined toward being picky with what dates she accepted, and believed this oversight was due to the fact that there was something seriously wrong with her that made her unworthy of male attention.

Enter boy: about five foot five, dirty blonde hair, portly figure and a very handy handkerchief in his left breast pocket that just screamed, “Yes, I am a tool." He was one of those men that just sit down and stare, unaware that while they may be trying to come across as attractive or interested, its just plain creepy. Fortunately for him, I was not bless with the detection of creep signals power that are usually ingrained in most women, so when he sauntered up to my register, dabbing at his brow with the handy handkerchief, and drawled, “I just want to let you know that you are beautiful”, I melted like an ice cream cone in summer. Of course, right on cue I blushed and stammered out a “thank you”, which seemed to be his cue to continue. “I come in here every morning and I have been working up the courage to talk to you.” he revealed, to which I of course was flattered! Here was a man who thought I was beautiful, I chose to ignore his short frame and brow dabbing and give him his request of my phone number. Only, instead of leaving to lessen the awkward post-asking-out, pre-date slump in conversation, he sat down at the table by my register and proceeded to talk about our life together.

At this point, I was screwed; I had already given this man my phone number in an impulsive move I was already regretting. “My mom would love to meet you,” he continued, “she has six children and she loves it when we bring someone home.” Oh great, I thought, I finally find a man who thinks I’m beautiful after a long dry spell and he turns out to be Norman Bates. Yet I did not want to write him off too soon, just in case he was a nervous babbler. Maybe he was only talking about me meeting his mom because he is close with her and he just doesn’t know what else to say, I desperately speculated. I was in denial.

He finally left, after I learned his name was Greg, to attend his classes. I did not foresee a way out, I was terrible at telling someone that they creeped me out, what was the proper way to say this? Was there a proper way to say this? Seeing as how, at the time, I was a naïve freshman with an inferiority complex, the answer was no, there was no way to say this. Therefore, I called the two most knowledgeable people on the subject of men and dating, my mother and brother Dan.

After explaining the situation to both my mother and my brother, it seemed that maybe I was overreacting to this man’s eagerness for me to meet his mother. After all, at BYU-I proposals were a weekly event, and it was not uncommon to find a couple that were engaged after only a week of knowing each other, so maybe Greg thought that I was one of those girls and was just cutting to the chase. I was not one of those girls, of course, but how would he know this without a date, so it was determined that I should give him the benefit of the doubt and one date. The only additional advice my brother gave was, “don’t let him know where you live.” Well that was certainly comforting.

Not ten minutes after deciding that I would give Greg one date, who should call me, but Norman Bates himself. “Hey, so I had a break in between classes and wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk or something to get to know each other better?” he asked. This seemed perfectly harmless and adhered to my brother’s stipulation that I should not let him know where I lived, so I said, “Yeah that would be great!” We mutually agreed upon meeting at a Little Caesars that is a couple of blocks from my apartment (yes, really).

This brings us back to the beginning of this tale. Upon meeting him at the Little Caesars I realized that no, he was not a nervous babbler, nor was he assuming I was looking for a quick courtship. I also deduced that he was very much aware of his way “too-forward” attitude; he just kept doing the same thing until he found his desired outcome, also known as some poor unsuspecting cashier who was a little too desperate. What is the definition of insanity again? Something about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? To add fuel to the insanity fire he kept trying to touch me. I think he found my disgusted cringes a turn on or endearing in some way and seemed determined to pull more from me.

It started with trying to take my hand, which I deftly maneuvered away from with the classic, run-fingers-through-hair routine. Then he wanted to rub my back as we walked, to which I stiffened up and leaned away. After that attempt failed, ever persistent, he brushed my hair behind my ear, so I lifted my shoulders in an attempt to squash his sweaty little fingers. All while this was happening, he kept talking about what his wife should be like and how good of a husband he would be. Why was I still staying? It was like a car crash, I just couldn’t make myself get away, I was paralyzed with horror.

I do not need to be this desperate, I told myself, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than get anywhere near a man like this again. All I could think about during this ordeal is that I definitely had some good qualities that would make me a good person to spend time with. Qualities like the fact that I could carry on a conversation without mentioning my mom, marriage, or diseases of any kind. I could walk next to people without having the uncontrollable urge to pet them, and I did not carry a handkerchief around with me to wipe sweat off my face (nor do I sweat, because I am a lady). I could also decipher signals such as “back off” and “don’t touch me” with ease. All of these qualities I had been taking for granted in myself and others. I had been so desperate for someone to pay attention to me that I overlooked my own worth and value, thinking that all I could get was creepy Greg. No one deserves a creepy Greg. As I came to this realization, I started to steer our walk to a point where I could make a very lady-like run for it, but he then said something that made me pause. He said, “But my wife would definitely have to be okay with my medical condition.” I did not know what else to do besides ask, “Well, what’s your medical condition?”

“Its called Priapism,” he explained, and then proceeded to tell me all about his sufferings with this “disease”. Now I will refer to the dictionary definition of this word in order for you to understand my horrified/amused/astounded reaction. Priapism, I kid you not, “is a potentially harmful and painful medical condition in which the erect penis does not return to its flaccid state, despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation, within four hours.” Yes, I laughed. I laughed long and hard (pun intended). I think this revelation was intended to impress me, maybe to make me think, “oh, four hour erections, you sexy beast you, take me now!” Yet, my only thought was that I could not believe that I had gone on this date and talked with this man about his family and penis diseases for over an hour.

Never again, I thought. I had been insecure enough to think that all I deserved was a man like this. I now realized that I deserved better. I just needed to see that while it may not be raining men in my life, I do not need another person to tell me what I am worth. Therefore, I walked away after breaking it to him gently that I was not the kind of woman who could keep up with a four-hour erection, and I promised myself that I would not date another man out of desperation or feel that desperate to have someone again. No matter how funny the date turned out to be.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The calm before the storm.

This is a post to announce a soon to be posted post. The reason I am doing this is because I can, it is my blog, and I want to. Take that.

I am working on a personal project, one that will help me to become a better person and hopefully be in a better position to help others. The reason for this you ask? Because I need to make a change or else I will just become stagnant, unable to progress in life. Who wants that?! I most certainly do not, hence, the personal project. Or the Stacey Cooper revamp, part 2, the sequel...

Eh, I think revamp/remake makes more sense, since I am not making a second me, just some improvments to the special effects and dialogue.

So, I am just building up the anticipation for this endeavor, for all of the nonexistant people who follow this blog. YAY! haha

Except!: shout out to Meredith, Daniella, Alex, and Mandi! - way to be guys, way to be.

Monday, April 5, 2010

ATM's: Help, Hinderence or WTF?

Just down the street from where I live, there is an ATM for First National Bank. This normally would not seem like anything of significance to blog about, and I would have to agree with you, but apparently First National Bank feels like their ATM is a pretty effin big deal.
Normally, I am a big fan of ATM's. They provide me with a fast and customer service free way of aquiring my money for personal use. My only qualm is that if it is not a Wells Fargo bank, they charge me my first born in order to get my money, but that is not the point.

This quite special ATM is located in a field, again, not too special, but in this field, there is also a special parking lot just for the ATM. Nothing else. There is nothing else there for it to require a parking lot. Or anything of the sort. Its an ATM, just stick it on the side of the Walgreens and we are all happy! - what if someone from Walgreens who also happens to have FNB(I'm abbreviating for my fingers purposes) says, "hey ya know what, since I have now aquired this milk for my delicious cereal, I would now like to replenish my supply of cash." Yet this happy unsuspecting citizen would walk out the door of that store only to be vastly disappointed. Because not only would they have to trek across a street and a field to get to their source of moolaa, they would have to do it where everyone and their friendly neightborhood gang members would see them. If thats not a big "Rob Me" sign, then I dont know what is.

My point of this entire blog entry here, is just the question why. Why FNB? Why would an ATM require a parking lot or something akin to it? I dont understand this logic. I want to get in the minds of the people responsible. Was this their brainstorming session?...
"Ok, so lets say some people are thinking about getting some cash, so they go to our ATM. But then, people are naturally followers and if they see, they do. So now we have more people suddenly realizing that their wallets are too light!! What should we do to accomodate this mass riot of a cash grabbing experience?!!" .... we would then hear crickets as those in charge scratch their heads in puzzlement.

Then, like a lighthouse during a hurricane, the janitor says, "put in a parking lot?"


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Blackhawk down! - but with a happier ending...well, happier experience overall.

Helloooo cyber world! This week has been inundated with a plethora of exciting experiences!

The first of which was a night in Blackhawk! :) What is blackhawk? - why thank you for asking, blackhawk is a small gambling town just west of Golden, Co. Just think of a mini Vegas, only less sweltering and uncomfortable heat. (and less classier citizens - besides us of course.) Us meaning, Natalia, Mandi and I.
It was a night to celebrate the birth of Mandi, my roommate. :)

Here are some pictures that we used to capture the event.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Salt Lake City aka. Party Town

This Sunday evening, Natalia, Erika and I will make the trek to Salt Lake City that so many pioneers before us have made. This time we will be driving a car, instead of a wagon, and we will not be heading to this beautiful mountain valley to escape from religious persecution, but for an exciting spring break party time.
I know what you're thinking, "How can one party in Utah? Do they even believe in fun?" - why yes, yes they do.
How do I know this? Because they are my people.
Who's they? Mormons, Latter Day Saints, my friends. (not all of them, obviously - but close.)
Of course we will stay sober, so that we will fully be able to enjoy every minute of our time in the Beehive State. No, there will be no "what happened last night?! I was soo hammered!". There will only be the full recognition that we made complete fools of ourselves the night before, with no booze to blame it on - Just our own fully sober selves.
You may think that sounds unpleasant, but its not. Not at all.

But now we have 1 week before we are to make our journey. I must get my crap together!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Insides jello

I have come to the conclusion at this very moment, that after an evening shower, when my room is clean, and I'm just sittin in my bed, the best song to listen to is either "Aint I Been Good to You" by The Isley Brothers or "Keep Yourself Warm" by Frightened Rabbit. Both of these songs are just mellow, very chill and speak to the soul. And by soul I obviously mean the part of the brain that responds to amazingly good music by giving me a little insides massage. Nice. So nice. I feel like jello. Or at least I feel like what I imagine jello Would feel if it were a living thing.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Drugs? no, no drugs thank you.

This will be my first blog in I believe a little over a year! That is preposterous, and will not be tolerated any longer.

So I come to you today from my bedroom, where typing has become a little difficult because I have just gotten acrylic nails and I am not used to the extraness that it gives my fingers. Therefore, if you see a randome letter in a word that is not supposed to be there, please ignore it and move on.

I do have some new pictures to post, which I think speak for themselves, but if you do not speak picture language or the language of me - then here is an explaination. It will be brief.

Erika(the girl who is not me in these pictures) and I both had a day (yesterday) where we were not scheduled to be slaves for the man. This obviously meant that we had a free day to catch up on homework and do other things that were not homework.
I would like to interject here though and say in my defense, that I actually was fully prepared and ready to do some major studying this day.
But SOMEONE (Erika and my zany counterpart that lives inside me) decided it would be better to go out to eat, get nails done, buy hilarious yet truthful shirts, and go out to eat again before even making the attempt (thats all it was) to study. Oh well, whats done is done and cannot be undone. I had alot of fun though and I feel like it was exactly what the doctor ordered.
If the doctor were some sort of eccentric life coach.