Saturday, March 12, 2011

Drunk, Dancing, Danish babies...

Working the night shift has made me aware of a few key facts. - Nighttime is the time of crazies, soft core porn viewers, drunks, and apparently the Danish (and any combination therein).
You might ask, "How, Stacey, have you come by this interesting and important knowledge?" And I will tell you.

Our story begins with our young ingenue, (name rhymes with Lacey Super), working her night shift from 11pm-7am one week night/morning. Normally this shift is very relaxing and interesting for Lacey, because she has time to get her work done, catch up a bit on her homework and chat with the local insomniacs about deep and insightful things, like cookies and bedding.
Now in this lovely hotel where Lacey is employed, there resides many Danish workers. These men and women are a variety of ages and have many varied personalities. Some of them just pass by the desk with a just a quick "good night" and/or a "good morning", sometimes they ask for keys and sometimes they want milk (both requests that Lacey is more than happy to grant). However there are the select few that have other, much more interesting requests such as, "do you know of any bar thats open at 3 am?", "could you put lotion on my new viking tattoo?", "are you married", "do you want to marry me?", and "do you know how to dance like a Danish?". Usually these questions are accompanied by a faint odor of Budweiser and/or a request for a hug.
Now, there are many stories that can be told about pretty much any of those colorful questions, but I chose to focus this story on the "do you know how to dance like a Danish?".
So, to continue, as Lacey was working her weeknight shift a man came into the lobby looking distinctly like he had been trying to understand the "irish" state of mind. This man she had seen before as he had asked her to marry him on a number of occasions (twice). Lacey would have said yes, had he not been extremely pissed drunk everytime he asked. So she knew he was drunk because of the fact that he was talking to her (when sober he never met her eye, probably something to do with the fact that he made a fool of himself while drunk and couldn't face her sober). They made eye contact and he made his way over to her (or to the liquor that was near to where she was), and made a purchase of Budweiser. He then said, "Do you know how to dance like a Danish?". Lacey of course said no, she was not privy to the dancing rituals of Denmark or pastries. His reply to this was, "Its like this.." and proceeded to dance like a Danish.

Apparently Danish dancers look like riverdancers having a seisure while imitating leprechauns.

As he finished he said, "I am going to go outside for-to drink this beer and have a smoke, when I am done, I will teach this dance to you, yes?" Lacey then said, "Ok, but I am working so we might not get a chance to do that." He seemed understanding of this and went outside for to drink his beer. When he returned, it seemed he had forgetten that he had promised to teach Lacey the dancing ways of his people, and simply asked her to move to Denmark with him, he then went back upstairs to his room.
Well dang, Lacey lamented, its always the drunk or disease ridden boys who come on to her, she was very used to this, but she wished for more. One day she will find a man free of penis diseases who will also be free of alcohol. What a glorious day that will be. There will be a parade. Or at least some streemers and a cake.

So this is where our story ends. I just want to say however, that this story is not meant to make fun of the Danish, or the guests at the hotel in which I work. I merely want to educate those who do not understand how the Danish dance. Because this could save others embarrassment when at a club in Denmark. No one wants to further the stereotype that Americans are ignorant to other cultures.

Click on the title of this post in order to be schooled in the area of Danish dancing.