Friday, September 23, 2011

Wading Into Shallow Waters

Ah for another dating story. (brought to you by Cookie Crisp)

So, recently, I had to break up with Ferdinand. be honest he broke up with me, after I neglected him and only used him for my own purposes. To be fair to me though, he never said a word! He never spoke out about what was bothering him. Just one day, out of the blue, BAM! He goes all fuzzy and wishy washy and gives me the complete silent treatment. So I took him into the Geek Squad to figure out how to get our communication going again, but alas, Ferdinand was done with our relationship completely. No explanation, nothing. Just gone. Which meant that I had to purchase a new computer outright! Therefore, I am now in a steady and somewhat tentative relationship with Reginald the Toshiba. He's Asian. It's been real good so far. He at least communicates to me when things are wrong.

Why am I talking about this? Well to set up the story of course! You impatient marsupials.

After me and Reginald, (sorry, Reginald and I), started our relationship, there were still a few communication problems, mostly due to his Asianness and my notness. So it was back to the Geek Squad I went. On this day I had just gotten home from work, and I was very tired, so I opted to not care how I looked. I put my hair in a pony tail, my makeup was in that worn-off-after-working-for-8-hours stage, and I was in a lame t-shirt and jeans, also know as the "I don't expect to see any guys I would like to date and I don't give a crap so I'm gonna be comfortable" look.

Well as luck would have it, out pops a wild hot man! A member of the geek squad he was, I kid you not. I tell this man the story of Reginald and I, and he just listens and offers advice! What a guy!
Welp, as the conversation progressed I begun to feel vibes. Yes ladies and gentlemen. Vibes.
It's true. The vibes were there and I was feelin them.
However, I was worried for his sanity, for I had put no effort into my appearance and I was quite homely looking. I probably didn't even brush my teeth that day (I probably didn't to be honest). But alas, the vibes were there and they were undeniable. So as the convo about my trusty new computer and I came to a close, mister wild hot man said, "I would like to give you my number. Would you call me?" I said of course I would, and that I would text him immediately, so he could have my number and the ball would be back in his court. (Yes, I know how to work it. Dang straight.) He laughed and wrote his number down on some receipt paper. Romance is not dead I tell you!

Over the course of the next week wild hot man and I texted back and forth in fun, flirty and pithy banter. I was honestly having a good time getting to know this man. While he was not "of the faith", he seemed to be decent and interesting. Yet, after a few days of the texting though, I decided I would give him a bit of help, I worked my work schedule into the conversation. "I always work Sunday night through Thursday night. So Friday and Saturday nights I am usually free." - Extremely subtle I am.
He took the bate, as he should, and asked if I wanted to go on a date on Friday night. Of course I said yes, I would love to. So we made plans to have him make some dinner and then watch a movie or something. Tentative plans, but it was working for me.

Anywho, the first step on the awkward latter is unfortunately my doing. (In my defense, I have not had a date in over a year now, and my flirty/datey skills are a little rusty.) When we scheduled the date I was genuinely excited for it, so I texted a couple of friends to relay my excitment. Well, eventually my best friend texted back saying, "So I guess our movie night is cancelled then? It's cool! :)" ...or something along those lines. The main point is that I had forgotten that I had already made plans with my friend and I didn't want to be the kind of girl that just starts ditching her friends for a guy. Plus, adding to the fact that I have recently moved out from living with my best friend and I have been trying to make sure she knows that she still comes first as my best friend. Also, I do not get to see her that often, so I just didn't want to ditch on plans with her to see some guy that probably wont turn out to be anything more than a couple of dates. (These were my thought processes). Long story short, I texted him explaining the situation and asked if we could possibly reschedule. I then texted my friend to say that we were once again still on for our movie night. The responses I received were as follows.

From WHM(wild hot man), ":("


Confusion then set in. WHM was understandably hurt that I had agreed to the date, yet then cancelled not but 2 hours later, and Natalia was saying that I can see her anytime and that I should not cancel a date for her and that I should tell him it was back on. Well, dang. I was spending so much time in between these texts from her to make sure WHM knew that I was still interested, but I just couldn't do it that night. Now I was gonna have to get awkward and be like, "Just Kidding!". So taking advice from Natalia I then did a 180 and assured him that I got the plans with my friend rescheduled so we could go on a date. Thus, crisis averted, date was back on. We were back in business after only a short delay due to operator error.

Second step on the awkward latter. So with the date train back on its track heading to makeout town, I was once again getting excited. We continued talking and sending fun pictures and it was a "so far so good" type of thing. Then, the day of the date, while I was getting my beauty rest, he texted that he was going to have to cancel and reschedule our date. I of course was sad about this, but his reasons (if they were true) were legit enough. I chose to believe his reasons and I felt better, only I was once again back to no-date Friday nights.

At this point I figured things were going to slowly fizzle out because of loss of interest and all those fun things, but he kept talking to me. The hope was bubbling within me again. The hope for another date. Only, surprisingly (or not surprisingly if you know of the penis disease tale) he started to show himself as one of "those guys". You know the type; they don't make any plans, just spur of the moment hot tub/movie invitations, aka "wanna makeout or possibly have sex?" I am very against these invitations. Don't get me wrong, I have no objections to a nice round of tonsil hockey, but only in the context of a relationship. A relationship is not what WHM and I had. WHM and I had nothing. Nothing to warrant a makeout invitation. Yet apparently, this is something that happens in the world. I am not a cheap whore world!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!! (I Know What You Did Last Summer reference - points and a lollipop to you if you got it!)

So anyways, I kept turning down his invitations. Again, he seemed to not take the hint, so I gave him one more chance and said that I would be off on Wednesday night, which is rare for me. He did not plan a date, but he did seem like he wanted to. So I decided to give him a little bit more time.

Which brings us to awkward douche step number 3 on the latter of awkward douches. On Sunday evening, as I was doing my dutiful duties at work, I begin receiving texts asking me how my day was. I came to the conclusion that I should just really tell him what I did that day and see what his reaction would be. So I told him I went to church, took a nap and then came to work. His predictable question was to which church did I belong. I told him.

Radio Silence...


"So, you guys don't have sex before marriage right?"

"Yep, that is true. It's something I stick by as well."

"Yeah. That's gonna be a problem for me."

"Ok, well I am glad you are honest. So I guess this is where we part ways?"

"Yeah, I just can't go into something knowing I am not gonna get any out of it."

"Again, thanks for the honesty. I hope you have a good life. :)"

Thus ends our sad tale of another failed Stacey Date. I hope one day I can find a man willing to wait until marriage before we go "hottubbing". I fear this may not ever happen.

If you are reading this, thank you for making it through. Please pour yourself a glass of the most delicious drink you can think of, put on the song "All by Myself" by Eric Carmen - to which the link is here - - and think of me while you drink your glass. Once you have done this, get up live your life! Don't weep for me brothers and sisters!!