Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Calling it "Scuttlebutt" makes it seem harmless and adorable...

Well, if you are new to this blog, or haven't been reading my posts, then you will already know of how terrified I am of gossip. I should be secure enough by now to not be afraid, but because of my weakness to participate in and therefore become paranoid about gossip, I am still very much afraid of it.

Its always so weird yet makes perfect sense that as soon as you participate in something sordid, wrong or hurtful, you automatically become paranoid that others are doing it too. I think its common knowledge by now yes? If not, it should be. Cause its true. At least in my experience. Such as with cheaters, you always see them becoming extremely suspicious about their partners and the people they spend their time with. Well, such as with those who gossip.

Why do I hate gossip? well, it's because what they tell you in grade school is a lie. Words can hurt you. I think they hurt you the worst. I would gladly take a stick or stone to the face than have to ever deal with hurtful words about myself or those that I love...or anyone else really. Hurtful words come from fear or ignorance. No matter who the person is, they may not have admitted it to themselves, but when someone says something about you either to your face or behind your back, it's because there is something inside themselves that is not complete or whole in the way it should be.

Obviously, since I do tend to participate in gossip sometimes, I am aware of my own faults. I do have to say that I am very good at being honest with myself about my motives and emotions. Sometimes not at the exact moment that I am doing something, but I will analyze my actions and motivations later and discover the truths then. So I am not trying to say that I am that good of a person, I am just trying to say that I am able to be honest. Which can suck sometimes.
So, the reason I mess up and fall prey to the "scuttlebutt" as it were? I am insecure. How's that for a cliche answer?! I wish that I was so secure in my love for myself and others that I could just let people be who they are and let myself be who I am, but I can't leave well enough alone.
What am I insecure about? My worth to others. That's really the root to alot of things with me. I doubt my worth to others. So if I am in a place where it seems like my worth to someone or some organization is threatened? I get insanely jealous. I feel like I hide it pretty well, but maybe not. I do know though that I then become tempted to get involved in the gossip and try and lower either the persons worth that is threatening mine, or try and increase mine, usually both go hand in hand. How terrible is that? Whether the gossip is true or not, my motives are not and thus the reason I should keep my mouth shut. Don't you stop respecting the person who is putting other people down? I feel like if I put people down for anything, it's making me the lesser person. I feel like a lesser person at least.
Now, to clarify, I am not this person who goes around gossiping and putting people down all the time. I really do fight it. I fight it so hard. It's just when I do slip up, I feel terrible. And it's because I would hate if someone I trusted went and gossiped about me behind my back for the simple reason that they wanted to decrease my worth to others in order for their worth to rise again. That wouldn't be a good feeling.
I don't want to be that person. I hate that person I am when I do this. Because how do you ask forgiveness from someone who doesn't even know what you have done? How do you make that right? Even if you go to the people you said it to and say you were mistaken or that you wish that you could take it back, the damage is still there. The trust has still been broken.
I try to justify myself. Saying that the person has told my secrets to others before, so it's ok. I say that the person is breaking rules and doing really hypocritical things, so it's not like I am any worse. Even as I typed those last two sentences, I was trying to justify my actions to the random nameless people who just so happen to read this blog post and if no one reads it, I am just attempting to justify to myself again. In essence, trying to say she deserved it.
Ya know. Everyone is gonna do crap they regret, everyone is going to go against their beliefs at LEAST once and do something that seems hypocritical, everyone is going to have something they keep doing even if they tell themselves they will never do it again, everyone is going to hurt someone they love at some point in their lives, everyone is going to make mistakes and everyone is going to be jealous or act in ways to gain attention. But you know what else? Every single person in this world has their reasons for doing the things they do. Every single person has had events and circumstances that are unique to their life that make them act and react the way they do. Who are we... who am I to judge anyone for who they are when I am no experience on how to live their life. I only have experience on how to live my life. So with the experience that I have, I will continue to battle my insecurities and weaknesses. Hopefully, given time and wisdom, I can safely say that gossip does not terrify me and that I will not participate in it.

Here are some quotes coming your way! Some of them speak of why gossip is enticing and other are more inspirational and speak of how we/I ought to be.

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Miguel Angel Ruiz

Anyone who has obeyed nature by transmitting a piece of gossip experiences the explosive relief that accompanies the satisfying of a primary need.
Primo Levi
(you know, I hate the argument that it's just "in our nature". I hate that used for anything, including this. Because it's such a cop out! There are alot of things that are "just in our nature", doesn't mean that they are good for us. Read the essay in my blog post "The Search" there were some really good quotes in there about the meaninglessness of always giving in to our "natures". I am not trying to be preachy, it's just, if we all gave in to our natures, do you realize how selfish and horrible and lonely this world would be?)

Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a Gossip.
Richard Steele

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
Walter Winchell

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.
P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.
Frank Howard Clark

I think the hardest part about being a teenager is dealing with other teenagers - the criticism and the ridicule, the gossip and rumors.
Beverley Mitchell

It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.
Lawrence G. Lovasik

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers

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