Complimentary backhanded compliments...what?

I want to preface this with saying that I understand that men sometimes don't really know how to compliment a woman in a way that makes her feel really good or special. I also understand that sometimes men just don't know what to say to women, therefore they sometimes make comments or compliments that are actually not very comlimentary. Finally, I also want to say that women are definitely more touchy and analytical when it comes to comments made by the opposite sex. (I understand my limitations and I usually try to work with them.) We over analyze, or we take a perfectly innocent comment or a very sincere compliment and twist it to be negative. I am not condoning this behavior, I merely speak from the heart.


With that being said, I believe that if one chooses to yell something out the window of ones car, it should be pretty dang important. As well as to the point - afterall, you only have a few seconds to get this vital piece of information across to the recipient while driving past them, so it leaves little room for error.


To explain this better, I will give an example of something that may or may not have just happened to me outside of the Kum and Go in Evans, Co.


I realized as I sat at my computer that I was in need of a cool beverage. Instead of drinking some of the perfectly good and nutritious water that we have abundant amounts of in our home, I chose to go to the Kum and Go for a delicious Vanilla Coke. (This is an establishment that I frequent, since I live only 2 blocks from it.) So, as I am leaving this gas station I see a very refined gentleman in a beat-up pick up truck, sideways baseball cap, and wearing a cut off muscle tee (in which there were no muscles to be seen, so it makes one wonder why this man would choose such a shirt). While heading to my car, this man decided that he absolutely had to tell me what he liked in a woman. I am normally very interested in these insights to the male psyche, but he yelled,

"Hey! I really like big women!" Winked, then went along his merry way.


It left me wondering, does he really like big women, or is he mocking me? If he does like big women, then why would he tell me this, unless he felt that I am a big woman. I have no illusions about my size, on the contrary I am very aware of it, since I do buy my own clothing. I also do not have any qualms about dating a man who likes big women, because I know that I like big men. Yet there is something very off-putting about someone yelling this fact out their car window, in a public place, where others may hear it. I wonder what his friends in the car thought of his declaration? Plus, I would prefer the man who felt this way to at least wear clothing that has not been altered by a rusty razor while the wielder is drunk.

The moral of this story, is that we should all be wary of "out of the car window shouters." These people are careless in giving their opinions and how they present themselves. Flinging their word vomit out the window, without regard to innocent passers-by. Any self respecting person, if they have something to say to another, should stop, get out of their car and walk up to the one they wish to say it to. What I hope this will accomplish is to make people realize, that whistling in someones face in a suggestive mannor, or making lewd and insulting comments to someones face just makes you look ridiculous. Therefore, the person who does this is ridiculous.

Nonetheless, muscle tee, I am flattered that you like big women, and that you decided to put me in this esteemed category.

Heavy in Your Arms - Florence and The Machine

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who's the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn't make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
(Ohhhh)
Whispering like it's a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.


(click on the title and you'll be directed to the song :) )

Feelings in Quotes - part 2

Just to clarify - These quotes and passages that I am choosing are not meant to say that I have mastered all my insecurities or that I am knowledgable on all these subjects. On the contrary, all the quotes from part 1 and part 2 are things that I need to tell myself, or that I need to learn. I am only sharing them on here because it might help someone else, but also so I can hopefully be able to get the words out myself.

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

These quotes about Love, I take them to mean more than just romantic love. Yes, that is definitely one way to interpret, but I take these as about love in general, the love for your family, friends, and any relationship.


“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” - Swedish Proverb?

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

"A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away."
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, "You Are Sixteen (Reprise)"

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things." ~Author Unknown


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"He seemed to be talking about my fears, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to see what was wonderful because tomorrow it might disappear and I might suffer. The gods throw the dice, and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not." - Paulo Coelho

"Insecurity exists in the absence of knowledge." - unknown

"A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." ~Robert A. Heinlein

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”-Maxwell Maltz

“Insecurity is selfish.” ~ Keri Harvey

Feelings in Quotes - part 1

I often have alot of trouble expressing my feelings (especially lately), not that I lack the desire, just a way with words. I feel that sometimes what I am trying to say doesn't actually come across the way I intended it, or I have something I want to say or express, but I am unable to formulate the necessary words/phrases/feeling etc. I have found that there are authors, historians, religious leaders,etc. that have already expressed a full range of human emotions, questions, fears, and sadness, so I will defer to them to somehow express what I am always trying to say.
I will say though, that this post definitely got away from me, but there are so many good things here, so many things I have been trying to say or I have needed people to say to me. So if you are willing, this is really good stuff. :)


"A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is... A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in."
C. S. Lewis

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” - C.S. Lewis

"We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ''Blessed are they that mourn.''” - C.S. Lewis

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained” - C.S. Lewis

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." - C.S. Lewis

"The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." - C.S. Lewis

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." - C.S. Lewis

"I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy." - C.S. Lewis

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning." - C.S. Lewis

"One of this nation's leading pollsters, Richard Wirthlin, has identified through polls an expression of the basic needs of people in the United States. These needs are self-esteem, peace of mind, and personal contentment. I believe these are needs of God's children everywhere. How can these needs be satisfied? I suggest that behind each of these is the requirement to establish one's own personal identity as the offspring of God. All three needs, regardless of ethnic background, culture, or country, can be met if we look to the divinity that is within us." - James E. Faust

“Each of us already knows we should tell the people we love that we love them. But what we know is not always reflected in what we do. We may feel unsure, awkward, or even perhaps a bit embarrassed. As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better. We should remember that saying ‘I love you’ is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love.” - David A. Bednar

"God's love is so perfect that He lovingly requires us to obey His commandments because He knows that only through obedience to His laws can we become perfect, as He is. For this reason, God's anger and His wrath are not a contradiction of His love but an evidence of His love. Every parent knows that you can love a child totally and completely while still being creatively angry and disappointed at that child's self-defeating behavior." - Dallin H. Oaks

"The Savior said: 'A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. . . .'By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another' (John 13:34–35). Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this truth: 'If you judge people, you have no time to love them.' "
-Thomas S. Monson

and this is one of my favorite hymns -

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.


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The topic below kinda got away from me, So I'm making it sort of seperate from the rest of the quotes.

"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." - C.S. Lewis

"The only length of life that seems to satisfy the longings of the human heart is life everlasting."
"Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love."
-Russel M. Nelson

“Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

"Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.) As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven." - Russel M. Nelson

“Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” (2 Ne. 31:20; see also John 17:3.)

"Since the creation of man, no fact of life has been so certain as death with the close of mortality. When the last of life’s breath is drawn, there is a finality comparable to no other finality. When a father and mother lay the remains of a beloved child in the cold of the grave, there is grief almost inconsolable. When a husband buries the companion of his life, there is a loneliness that is poignant and unrelieved. When a wife closes the casket on the remains of her beloved husband, there are wounds that seem never to heal. When children are bereft of parents who loved and nurtured them, there is an abject destitution comparable to none other. Life is sacred, and death is somber. Life is buoyant and hopeful. Death is solemn and dark. It is awesome in its silence and certainty. Appropriately did Sir Walter Raleigh cry out, “O eloquent, just and mighty death”....But death is not final. Though it seems so when its dark shroud overshadows mortal life, to those who accept the Christ and His eternal mission there is light and comfort, there is assurance, there is certainty." - Gordon B. Hinckley

“There cometh [one day] one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw [Jesus], he fell at his feet,
“And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. …
“While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?
“As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:22–23, 35–36).

“And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father— That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God” (D&C 76:22–24).


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Adventure at Canvas and Cocktails

Poke - Frightened Rabbit

Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
and you try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
to make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its butt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.

--

Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung and tied a navy knot with arms at night
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

Penis Disease Boy: A Cautionary Tale (final draft)

Penis Disease Boy: A Cautionary Tale

As I walked beside the very “hands on”, sweaty boy to my left, I kept my hands shoved in my pockets with the intent that they should stay there for the duration of this so-called “date”. My shoulders were hunched up around my neck in order to guard against any sneak attack that may arise, which was probably not far off. I leaned away from the man’s body and ducked from his hand like a dodge-ball pro. I visibly cringed with disgust when he made any attempt to initiate contact with any part of my body. I didn’t know what else I could have done in order to get the “for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME” message across without outright smacking him across the face, though he probably would have found that encouraging in some way and soldiered on.

Let us back track for a moment to seven hours earlier, where a girl (me) is sitting at a cash register in the food court of Brigham Young University – Idaho at seven in the morning, fighting the urge to fall into blissful, beautiful sleep. This girl has not had a date in, well, let’s just say a VERY long time. The reasons for this are known only to the human male mind, and therefore they are unknowable to the female population at large, i.e. this girl (me). Now, because this young, impressionable girl had not had many gentlemen callers, she was not inclined toward being picky with what dates she accepted, and believed this oversight was due to the fact that there was something seriously wrong with her that made her unworthy of male attention.

Enter boy: about five foot five, dirty blonde hair, portly figure and a very handy handkerchief in his left breast pocket that just screamed, “Yes, I am a tool." He was one of those men that just sit down and stare, unaware that while they may be trying to come across as attractive or interested, its just plain creepy. Fortunately for him, I was not bless with the detection of creep signals power that are usually ingrained in most women, so when he sauntered up to my register, dabbing at his brow with the handy handkerchief, and drawled, “I just want to let you know that you are beautiful”, I melted like an ice cream cone in summer. Of course, right on cue I blushed and stammered out a “thank you”, which seemed to be his cue to continue. “I come in here every morning and I have been working up the courage to talk to you.” he revealed, to which I of course was flattered! Here was a man who thought I was beautiful, I chose to ignore his short frame and brow dabbing and give him his request of my phone number. Only, instead of leaving to lessen the awkward post-asking-out, pre-date slump in conversation, he sat down at the table by my register and proceeded to talk about our life together.

At this point, I was screwed; I had already given this man my phone number in an impulsive move I was already regretting. “My mom would love to meet you,” he continued, “she has six children and she loves it when we bring someone home.” Oh great, I thought, I finally find a man who thinks I’m beautiful after a long dry spell and he turns out to be Norman Bates. Yet I did not want to write him off too soon, just in case he was a nervous babbler. Maybe he was only talking about me meeting his mom because he is close with her and he just doesn’t know what else to say, I desperately speculated. I was in denial.

He finally left, after I learned his name was Greg, to attend his classes. I did not foresee a way out, I was terrible at telling someone that they creeped me out, what was the proper way to say this? Was there a proper way to say this? Seeing as how, at the time, I was a naïve freshman with an inferiority complex, the answer was no, there was no way to say this. Therefore, I called the two most knowledgeable people on the subject of men and dating, my mother and brother Dan.

After explaining the situation to both my mother and my brother, it seemed that maybe I was overreacting to this man’s eagerness for me to meet his mother. After all, at BYU-I proposals were a weekly event, and it was not uncommon to find a couple that were engaged after only a week of knowing each other, so maybe Greg thought that I was one of those girls and was just cutting to the chase. I was not one of those girls, of course, but how would he know this without a date, so it was determined that I should give him the benefit of the doubt and one date. The only additional advice my brother gave was, “don’t let him know where you live.” Well that was certainly comforting.

Not ten minutes after deciding that I would give Greg one date, who should call me, but Norman Bates himself. “Hey, so I had a break in between classes and wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk or something to get to know each other better?” he asked. This seemed perfectly harmless and adhered to my brother’s stipulation that I should not let him know where I lived, so I said, “Yeah that would be great!” We mutually agreed upon meeting at a Little Caesars that is a couple of blocks from my apartment (yes, really).


This brings us back to the beginning of this tale. Upon meeting him at the Little Caesars I realized that no, he was not a nervous babbler, nor was he assuming I was looking for a quick courtship. I also deduced that he was very much aware of his way “too-forward” attitude; he just kept doing the same thing until he found his desired outcome, also known as some poor unsuspecting cashier who was a little too desperate. What is the definition of insanity again? Something about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? To add fuel to the insanity fire he kept trying to touch me. I think he found my disgusted cringes a turn on or endearing in some way and seemed determined to pull more from me.

It started with trying to take my hand, which I deftly maneuvered away from with the classic, run-fingers-through-hair routine. Then he wanted to rub my back as we walked, to which I stiffened up and leaned away. After that attempt failed, ever persistent, he brushed my hair behind my ear, so I lifted my shoulders in an attempt to squash his sweaty little fingers. All while this was happening, he kept talking about what his wife should be like and how good of a husband he would be. Why was I still staying? It was like a car crash, I just couldn’t make myself get away, I was paralyzed with horror.

I do not need to be this desperate, I told myself, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than get anywhere near a man like this again. All I could think about during this ordeal is that I definitely had some good qualities that would make me a good person to spend time with. Qualities like the fact that I could carry on a conversation without mentioning my mom, marriage, or diseases of any kind. I could walk next to people without having the uncontrollable urge to pet them, and I did not carry a handkerchief around with me to wipe sweat off my face (nor do I sweat, because I am a lady). I could also decipher signals such as “back off” and “don’t touch me” with ease. All of these qualities I had been taking for granted in myself and others. I had been so desperate for someone to pay attention to me that I overlooked my own worth and value, thinking that all I could get was creepy Greg. No one deserves a creepy Greg. As I came to this realization, I started to steer our walk to a point where I could make a very lady-like run for it, but he then said something that made me pause. He said, “But my wife would definitely have to be okay with my medical condition.” I did not know what else to do besides ask, “Well, what’s your medical condition?”

“Its called Priapism,” he explained, and then proceeded to tell me all about his sufferings with this “disease”. Now I will refer to the dictionary definition of this word in order for you to understand my horrified/amused/astounded reaction. Priapism, I kid you not, “is a potentially harmful and painful medical condition in which the erect penis does not return to its flaccid state, despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation, within four hours.” Yes, I laughed. I laughed long and hard (pun intended). I think this revelation was intended to impress me, maybe to make me think, “oh, four hour erections, you sexy beast you, take me now!” Yet, my only thought was that I could not believe that I had gone on this date and talked with this man about his family and penis diseases for over an hour.

Never again, I thought. I had been insecure enough to think that all I deserved was a man like this. I now realized that I deserved better. I just needed to see that while it may not be raining men in my life, I do not need another person to tell me what I am worth. Therefore, I walked away after breaking it to him gently that I was not the kind of woman who could keep up with a four-hour erection, and I promised myself that I would not date another man out of desperation or feel that desperate to have someone again. No matter how funny the date turned out to be.