"These Days"
My hand to God
I didn't mean to
After all
Look what we've been through
Men come in different shades
That's how we're made
The little house on Ellis Drive
Is where I felt most alive
The oak tree covered that old Ford
I miss it Lord, I miss it Lord
These blood red eyes
Don't see so good
But what's worse is if they could
Would I change my ways?
Wasted times and broken dreams
Violent colors so obscene
It's all I see these days
These days
Watch what you say
The devil is listenin'
He's got ears that you
Wouldn't believe
And brother once you go to him
It's your soul you can never retrieve
These blood red eyes
Don't see so good
But what's worse is if they could
Would I change my ways?
Wasted times and broken dreams
Violent colors so obscene
It's all I see these days
These days
(click on title to hear song)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Search
"When I got rid of God-belief, a new thing happened. I realized I wasn’t simply making a factual claim. Asking whether God existed wasn’t like asking if there was a box of crackers in the pantry. I found out quickly that when I said, “There’s no God.” I was making a claim about all of reality. When I believed in God, the world around me had purpose. It had been carefully orchestrated and it moved forward toward a goal. Stepping away from God meant an end to all that. In leaving God aside, a new vision of the world emerged. Everything around me and within me became mechanical, unthinking, and chaotic."
"Evolution too can be quite beautiful—in the words of one recent book it’s “the greatest show on earth”—but I found my own formation deeply troubling. The excessive greed and gluttony, violence and lust etched into my DNA often made me miserable. It wouldn’t be so bad if fear and overeating, promiscuity and aggression were healthy; but these were not signs of a good life. They were obstacles. They consistently made my life miserable. On the face of it, I found I wasn’t a mere animal. I recognized that I was an animal preprogrammed to think and act in self-destructive ways, ways that didn’t care about “me”—only about the promotion and replication of my genes."
"I may accomplish all I wish. I may pursue and achieve “the good life”, but the end has been scripted and it’s not gracious. I will read my books, I will take my pictures, and then the world which handed me my out-of-control body will take it back again—and it will do it without thought or remorse.
Again, I’m not a depressed person, and I bet you’re not either, but I recognized that I was deceiving myself if I didn’t own the real and pressing problem of death. Everything around me was dying. My wife would die. My sons would die. Everyone in my family would die. Everyone in my city and my culture would die. Everyone on this planet would die, and the human race fairs no better. The earth will die when the sun grows to an enormous size and engulfs our world. Our solar system will die when the sun exhausts its remaining energy. The entire natural order will eventually die as our universe turns all its remaining gas into stars and those star inevitably burn out. Entropy holds the reigns, and in the distant future all that will remain of our once beautiful cosmos will be a dark, thinning gas."
"I realized that death was a thief, and it was robbing me now of all the significance, all the meaning I could hope to find. Everything I might want to build was already debris, for when I asked the question, “What should I do with my life? What should I care about?” The answer that came screaming back at me was, “It doesn’t matter. It will all disappear.”"
"I consistently hit this spot where I recognized that the only hope for myself, my wife, my sons, my friends, my culture to transcend death and bondage to the chemicals within us was help from something separate from the blind, degenerating natural order. There was nothing any of us could do to create a lasting life or freedom.
We need a soul"
"Of course, you don’t need to actually believe in God to make this step. Many of the wisest and most careful thinkers I know reject belief in God. They hold that life is absurd, but many of them continue to look with hope—and this seems to me the most rational place to be. Come down where you will, I find it ridiculous to pretend like God’s existence makes no difference at all. Everything in my experiences scream out that we should devote our best energies and thinking to looking for a God."
"Eventually I put it all together and I concluded, if love is real, if freedom is real, if lasting significance is possible—God must be real. Only a God-like being could care about me and those I love. Only a God could choose to infuse us all with a life that is more than chemicals spinning as they will. Only a personality can see our natural plight, can understand that everything we build, every love we have is crumbling before us. Only a being with considerable strength can mercifully change our natural course. Only a God could transform the hellish condition in which I initially found myself. Death and genetics are immensely powerful, and it would take something with enormous muscle and compassion to push back the course of nature so everyone I cared for might really live."
"I lost nothing by seeking a God who cared for me, but I would lose everything I cared for if that God was not there."
- Debris
Extremely touching essay about the search for God - Look it up and read it. - and these are only a few excerpts! :)
The World Spins Madly On by The Weepies
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on
Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on
I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.
"Evolution too can be quite beautiful—in the words of one recent book it’s “the greatest show on earth”—but I found my own formation deeply troubling. The excessive greed and gluttony, violence and lust etched into my DNA often made me miserable. It wouldn’t be so bad if fear and overeating, promiscuity and aggression were healthy; but these were not signs of a good life. They were obstacles. They consistently made my life miserable. On the face of it, I found I wasn’t a mere animal. I recognized that I was an animal preprogrammed to think and act in self-destructive ways, ways that didn’t care about “me”—only about the promotion and replication of my genes."
"I may accomplish all I wish. I may pursue and achieve “the good life”, but the end has been scripted and it’s not gracious. I will read my books, I will take my pictures, and then the world which handed me my out-of-control body will take it back again—and it will do it without thought or remorse.
Again, I’m not a depressed person, and I bet you’re not either, but I recognized that I was deceiving myself if I didn’t own the real and pressing problem of death. Everything around me was dying. My wife would die. My sons would die. Everyone in my family would die. Everyone in my city and my culture would die. Everyone on this planet would die, and the human race fairs no better. The earth will die when the sun grows to an enormous size and engulfs our world. Our solar system will die when the sun exhausts its remaining energy. The entire natural order will eventually die as our universe turns all its remaining gas into stars and those star inevitably burn out. Entropy holds the reigns, and in the distant future all that will remain of our once beautiful cosmos will be a dark, thinning gas."
"I realized that death was a thief, and it was robbing me now of all the significance, all the meaning I could hope to find. Everything I might want to build was already debris, for when I asked the question, “What should I do with my life? What should I care about?” The answer that came screaming back at me was, “It doesn’t matter. It will all disappear.”"
"I consistently hit this spot where I recognized that the only hope for myself, my wife, my sons, my friends, my culture to transcend death and bondage to the chemicals within us was help from something separate from the blind, degenerating natural order. There was nothing any of us could do to create a lasting life or freedom.
We need a soul"
"Of course, you don’t need to actually believe in God to make this step. Many of the wisest and most careful thinkers I know reject belief in God. They hold that life is absurd, but many of them continue to look with hope—and this seems to me the most rational place to be. Come down where you will, I find it ridiculous to pretend like God’s existence makes no difference at all. Everything in my experiences scream out that we should devote our best energies and thinking to looking for a God."
"Eventually I put it all together and I concluded, if love is real, if freedom is real, if lasting significance is possible—God must be real. Only a God-like being could care about me and those I love. Only a God could choose to infuse us all with a life that is more than chemicals spinning as they will. Only a personality can see our natural plight, can understand that everything we build, every love we have is crumbling before us. Only a being with considerable strength can mercifully change our natural course. Only a God could transform the hellish condition in which I initially found myself. Death and genetics are immensely powerful, and it would take something with enormous muscle and compassion to push back the course of nature so everyone I cared for might really live."
"I lost nothing by seeking a God who cared for me, but I would lose everything I cared for if that God was not there."
- Debris
Extremely touching essay about the search for God - Look it up and read it. - and these are only a few excerpts! :)
The World Spins Madly On by The Weepies
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on
Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on
I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I'm in the Twilight Zone!
So. I have this affliction called - sleepiusthroughphilosophyclassitus. It has a devistating effect on my ability to be awake in order to make it to my philosophy class. Oh how it haunts my days. If only I were normal, like all the other eager school children, ready to be taught and learn knowledge...But alas, sleepiusthroughphilosophyclassitus, or STPC as I like to call it, prevents this from being so.
The reason I am finally coming out about my disease is that I recently decided to battle this terrible illness; who am I if not strong enough to wage war with my harrowing weaknesses!? So with this renewed strength in my resolve today, I set off for my philosophy class that starts at 7pm. Only, as I made it to outside the room, I discovered that there were people already in my class! Watching a black and white movie and reveling in the being-in-classness that I was not enjoying. How could this be, I thought?! I was early, in order to procure notes from the last couple of classes that I had missed due to STPC! Surely I was just a little too early, I reasoned, so I therefore set off embarrassingly down the hallway, digging into my bag to find my syllabus. This would surely set things straight for me. Only, it did not. Since when was my class on Mondays, Wednesdays AND Fridays? and how long had my class started at 6pm? I must have the wrong syllabus, or else the teacher must have just handed out a basic one for all his classes. If my class had started at 6, my STPC must have put me more off track than I thought! Too embarrassed to walk into class if it was almost over, I trekked to the library to make things clearer.
At the library I found a cosy computer next to the wall in which to do my investigating. After logging in, I found the link to my philosophy class and discovered that I had been correct - class was at 7pm. This was good news, I was not crazy after all, but, who then was in my classroom? The thought came to me that maybe the teacher had cancelled class today or otherwise moved it...either the place or the time. Convinced that any self respecting teacher would send a reminder email to all his students, I checked my school email account to confirm my suspicions. But he hadn't sent an email. Not one! My only email from this teacher was a link to the reading we were supposed to have read today, which as another symptom of STPC, I had not done. I was now extremely confused. I had gone to the same room as before, at the same time as before and yet, nothing was as it was before!
After exhausting all my efforts on the trusty school computer, I determined that I would head back to the classroom. Maybe I could get there in time for the class to be dismissed and ask one of my fellow students what in the world was happening. I was just in time! The class was leaving as I got back around 7:22pm, so I hurried to catch up to someone I recognized. I didn't recognize anyone! Even the teacher that left the classroom was distinctly more geriatric than my memories of the attractive 30 something teacher of before.
I decided to call it quits. I had no clue what happened and I was too distraught over missing my Philosophy class yet again to even try catching up to anyone else. I must now gather the courage to email my teacher and explain my STPC to him and my twilight zone experience. Hopefully he will be understanding of my plight.
The reason I am finally coming out about my disease is that I recently decided to battle this terrible illness; who am I if not strong enough to wage war with my harrowing weaknesses!? So with this renewed strength in my resolve today, I set off for my philosophy class that starts at 7pm. Only, as I made it to outside the room, I discovered that there were people already in my class! Watching a black and white movie and reveling in the being-in-classness that I was not enjoying. How could this be, I thought?! I was early, in order to procure notes from the last couple of classes that I had missed due to STPC! Surely I was just a little too early, I reasoned, so I therefore set off embarrassingly down the hallway, digging into my bag to find my syllabus. This would surely set things straight for me. Only, it did not. Since when was my class on Mondays, Wednesdays AND Fridays? and how long had my class started at 6pm? I must have the wrong syllabus, or else the teacher must have just handed out a basic one for all his classes. If my class had started at 6, my STPC must have put me more off track than I thought! Too embarrassed to walk into class if it was almost over, I trekked to the library to make things clearer.
At the library I found a cosy computer next to the wall in which to do my investigating. After logging in, I found the link to my philosophy class and discovered that I had been correct - class was at 7pm. This was good news, I was not crazy after all, but, who then was in my classroom? The thought came to me that maybe the teacher had cancelled class today or otherwise moved it...either the place or the time. Convinced that any self respecting teacher would send a reminder email to all his students, I checked my school email account to confirm my suspicions. But he hadn't sent an email. Not one! My only email from this teacher was a link to the reading we were supposed to have read today, which as another symptom of STPC, I had not done. I was now extremely confused. I had gone to the same room as before, at the same time as before and yet, nothing was as it was before!
After exhausting all my efforts on the trusty school computer, I determined that I would head back to the classroom. Maybe I could get there in time for the class to be dismissed and ask one of my fellow students what in the world was happening. I was just in time! The class was leaving as I got back around 7:22pm, so I hurried to catch up to someone I recognized. I didn't recognize anyone! Even the teacher that left the classroom was distinctly more geriatric than my memories of the attractive 30 something teacher of before.
I decided to call it quits. I had no clue what happened and I was too distraught over missing my Philosophy class yet again to even try catching up to anyone else. I must now gather the courage to email my teacher and explain my STPC to him and my twilight zone experience. Hopefully he will be understanding of my plight.
Dedicated to Meredith...
Today, while in my car listening to wonderful music, I came across a song that had one lyric that made me feel very uncomfortable, and thus reminded me of Meredith - an awesomely amazing friend of mine. This particular lyric I heard, well, it really speaks of friendship and love and devotion. So it inspired me to find other songs with this same lyric...
Each of the songs below has one lyric in common, sometimes its the first lyric, sometimes its hidden within the song. Its a beautiful tribute to stalkers...uh...friendship everywhere.
Girls Aloud – The Loving Kind
Peter Frampton – Show me the Way
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Idina Menzel – So Beautiful
Lowest of the Low – Eternal Fatalist
Each of the songs below has one lyric in common, sometimes its the first lyric, sometimes its hidden within the song. Its a beautiful tribute to stalkers...uh...friendship everywhere.
Girls Aloud – The Loving Kind
Peter Frampton – Show me the Way
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Idina Menzel – So Beautiful
Lowest of the Low – Eternal Fatalist
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Tainted Love
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”
- Unknown
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
- Unknown
“People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
- Ernest Hemingway
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
- Walter Anderson
- Friedrich Nietzsche
“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”
- Unknown
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
- Unknown
“People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
- Ernest Hemingway
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
- Walter Anderson
Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit
A cripple walks amongst you
All you tired human beings
He's got all the things a cripple has
Not working arms and legs
And vital parts fall from his system
And dissolve in Scottish rain
Vitally he doesn't miss them
He's too messed up to care
Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
On his last leg
Well, I crippled your heart a hundred times
And still can't work out why
You see, I've got this disease I can't shake
And I'm just rattling through life
Well, this is how we do things now
Yeah, this is how the modern stay scared
So I cut out all the good stuff
Yeah, I cut off my foot to spite my leg
Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
Well, I am ill
But I'm not dead
And I don't know which of those I prefer
Because that limb which I have lost
Well, it was the only thing holding me up
Holding me up
Well, I'm lying on the ground now
Walking through the only door
Well, I have lost my eyesight
Like I said I would
But I still know
And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well, are you a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
And you are not ill
And I'm not dead
Doesn't that make us the perfect pair?
Just you and me
We'll start again
And you can tell me all about what you did today
What you did today
All you tired human beings
He's got all the things a cripple has
Not working arms and legs
And vital parts fall from his system
And dissolve in Scottish rain
Vitally he doesn't miss them
He's too messed up to care
Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
On his last leg
Well, I crippled your heart a hundred times
And still can't work out why
You see, I've got this disease I can't shake
And I'm just rattling through life
Well, this is how we do things now
Yeah, this is how the modern stay scared
So I cut out all the good stuff
Yeah, I cut off my foot to spite my leg
Well, is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
Well, I am ill
But I'm not dead
And I don't know which of those I prefer
Because that limb which I have lost
Well, it was the only thing holding me up
Holding me up
Well, I'm lying on the ground now
Walking through the only door
Well, I have lost my eyesight
Like I said I would
But I still know
And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well, are you a masochist to love a modern leper
On his last leg
And you are not ill
And I'm not dead
Doesn't that make us the perfect pair?
Just you and me
We'll start again
And you can tell me all about what you did today
What you did today
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
When you play with my hair, you're actually making love to me. Did you know that?
At work I have nothing better to do (besides work) than look up random things. Todays random selection of reading material was "things we (woman) wish men knew about us". It seemed cheesy, and maybe it is, but these little bits of information are all so true and I feel it is my duty to let the male population know what is up. I feel like women are pretty straight forward, yet everyone (including women) is so confused about what we want! It is definitely maddening as a member of this gender, but here is my gift to men: While yes, I have chosen each of these facts because they are true for me, someone wrote them - so they must be true for many women.
Enjoy.
--If it ever comes down to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft you have bigger issues than not understanding women.
--We pretty much hate you when you order a salad. That's what we have girlfriends for. If you diet, we need to diet. So, when you order a salad, you're essentially calling us fat.
--ZZ Top was right: Knowing how to rock a suit or dress uniform will noticeably increase your sexiness. We don't know why, but it works. Ditto with guitars. Unless, ironically, you look like ZZ Top.
--Be honest. Chances are we're just waiting for you to speak up and go after what you want so we can say 'yes'.
--We might be your best friend, but we'll never be one of the guys. So no, we don’t want to come smell that.
--A hug followed by eye contact followed by pushing our hair behind our ear followed by a soft kiss takes less than twenty seconds and says far more than a verbal apology.
--Imagine the worst charley horse you've ever had, and place it somewhere between your bellybutton and your butt hole. That's what we mean by "cramps." Be sympathetic.
--All women are secretly made of solid gold.
--We're intimidated by you when you travel in loud packs. We think you're creepy when you're out alone. We don't trust you when you're out with a female "friend." Your odds are best when you're in a group of three or four. Or with us.
--Big, white, clean teeth.
--Our girlfriends have seen that picture we swore to you we deleted. This is just the way it works. It's best that you don't even bring it up.
--We judge you based on how you treat us when we're sick.
--When you play with my hair, you're actually making love to me. Did you know that?
--Men with dogs? Yes. Men with cats? Not so much
--Hold our hands when we're alone, hold our hands in front of our girlfriends — just hold our hands.
--You cannot imagine the amount of stuff we have to do to look this good. It's like a second job. It's much more than waxing and manicures. It's really weird stuff that would completely freak you out. Don't try to understand it. Just appreciate our effort.
--Bikini waxing actually isn't as painful as we let on.
--Escorting us into a room with your hand at the small of our back makes us smile.
--You know that body hair you're self-conscious about? We love it. It's the hairless ones that should worry.
--We like hand-holding and kisses on the cheek. We also like to be "manhandled." It's a fine line, really.
--If you don't touch us in public, the relationship is going nowhere—fast. (this goes for just brushing our hair back, or hand holding, or an arm around the shoulder - I'm not asking for slobbering pda...)
--We don't expect us to agree on everything. We actually want you to have an opinion.
--If I'm upset and I refuse to tell you why, it probably means I already realize my reasoning is stupid and I just need to let the hormones wear off. But if you keep yelling at me, I'll have a reason to be mad, so just feel lucky and leave me alone
--Don't ask why we're afraid of insects. Just kill the dang bug, already.
--We love it when you get specific. Saying you love a specific quirk or body part sounds a lot better than "you're pretty."
--Nicknames. We really love nicknames.
--It's not that girls don't like nice guys, it's that we can distinguish between genuinely nice and desperate.
--Sometimes the tacky stuffed animal you won for us at the carnival is better than the gold earrings.
--We love it when you're good at something you enjoy. We don't care what it is — sports, fishing; hell, even cross-stitching or tap dancing. We just like to be proud of you.
--Men, as a rule, should not wear necklaces.
--When breaking up with a woman, just do it. Gently but firmly say that you're no longer interested. Yes, it will hurt. Break-ups always hurt.
--If we offer you gum, it means we want to kiss you later. It's not an insult; just take the gum.
--It is not your duty to e-mail us two years after we broke up to tell us you're engaged, especially if we aren't speaking. You may as well punch us in the stomach.
--We don't even know what fantasy football is.
--There is a difference between putting on cologne and bathing.
--We don't all like chick flicks.
--We want you to love your mother. We just don't want you to looooovvve your mother.
--Every woman you've ever dates imagined what her name would sound like with your last name.
--We enjoy Twilight even though it's a four-volume installment of a fantasy you'll never live up to. It doesn't mean that that's what we want, and it doesn't mean you're not great
--Pants should cover your butt.
--We like it when you kiss the top of our head.
--We want you to have your "guy time." In fact, if you don't have a great group of men to hang around, it's a turn-off.
--More back massages.
--At the end of a first date, just call us the next day if you liked us. You can wait three days if you want, but it will only piss us off.
--If I see you treat waitstaff or cashiers poorly, I will probably never date you.
--We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don't want is for you to ask us if we want dessert.
--Guys who go to Hooters to watch the game are usually the same guys who go to lunch at strip clubs for the free chicken-fried steak. Don't be one of those guys.
--Otis Redding said it perfectly: Try a little tenderness.
--Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you.
--We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?
--We love the fact that it takes you only twelve minutes to get ready for anything, be it black tie or a basketball game. When it takes longer than that... what are you doing in there?
--We are all about our necks. Feel free to spend as much time there as you wish. (ooo, its gettin risque!)
--All women love to be referred to as 'm'lady.' As in, 'Would you like another chip, m'lady?'
--Everything sounds better when your mouth is next to our ear and you whisper it. Everything from 'Sorry about the smell' to 'I'm going to love you forever, m'lady.'"
--Even if we've only been dating a few weeks, don't introduce us as your 'lady friend' — or that's exactly what we'll become.
--When we fall asleep before the end of the film, it's because we are happy and relaxed, not because we're bored of Live Free or Die Hard.
--Men who wear sunglasses at night don't look cool, rich, or sexy. They look as if they should be holding a cane or following a dog.
--If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.
--Pick the weirdest part of our body and compliment it. The left elbow, the forehead, shins. Just be creative.
--We hate baby showers as much as you assume a sane person would.
--If you defend a girl as 'really smart when you get to know her,' she is dumb. What you mean is, she's 'really smart for a smokin'-hot girl who is stupid.'
--Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.
--Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.
--Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.
--Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you. (wink wink)
Enjoy.
--If it ever comes down to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft you have bigger issues than not understanding women.
--We pretty much hate you when you order a salad. That's what we have girlfriends for. If you diet, we need to diet. So, when you order a salad, you're essentially calling us fat.
--ZZ Top was right: Knowing how to rock a suit or dress uniform will noticeably increase your sexiness. We don't know why, but it works. Ditto with guitars. Unless, ironically, you look like ZZ Top.
--Be honest. Chances are we're just waiting for you to speak up and go after what you want so we can say 'yes'.
--We might be your best friend, but we'll never be one of the guys. So no, we don’t want to come smell that.
--A hug followed by eye contact followed by pushing our hair behind our ear followed by a soft kiss takes less than twenty seconds and says far more than a verbal apology.
--Imagine the worst charley horse you've ever had, and place it somewhere between your bellybutton and your butt hole. That's what we mean by "cramps." Be sympathetic.
--All women are secretly made of solid gold.
--We're intimidated by you when you travel in loud packs. We think you're creepy when you're out alone. We don't trust you when you're out with a female "friend." Your odds are best when you're in a group of three or four. Or with us.
--Big, white, clean teeth.
--Our girlfriends have seen that picture we swore to you we deleted. This is just the way it works. It's best that you don't even bring it up.
--We judge you based on how you treat us when we're sick.
--When you play with my hair, you're actually making love to me. Did you know that?
--Men with dogs? Yes. Men with cats? Not so much
--Hold our hands when we're alone, hold our hands in front of our girlfriends — just hold our hands.
--You cannot imagine the amount of stuff we have to do to look this good. It's like a second job. It's much more than waxing and manicures. It's really weird stuff that would completely freak you out. Don't try to understand it. Just appreciate our effort.
--Bikini waxing actually isn't as painful as we let on.
--Escorting us into a room with your hand at the small of our back makes us smile.
--You know that body hair you're self-conscious about? We love it. It's the hairless ones that should worry.
--We like hand-holding and kisses on the cheek. We also like to be "manhandled." It's a fine line, really.
--If you don't touch us in public, the relationship is going nowhere—fast. (this goes for just brushing our hair back, or hand holding, or an arm around the shoulder - I'm not asking for slobbering pda...)
--We don't expect us to agree on everything. We actually want you to have an opinion.
--If I'm upset and I refuse to tell you why, it probably means I already realize my reasoning is stupid and I just need to let the hormones wear off. But if you keep yelling at me, I'll have a reason to be mad, so just feel lucky and leave me alone
--Don't ask why we're afraid of insects. Just kill the dang bug, already.
--We love it when you get specific. Saying you love a specific quirk or body part sounds a lot better than "you're pretty."
--Nicknames. We really love nicknames.
--It's not that girls don't like nice guys, it's that we can distinguish between genuinely nice and desperate.
--Sometimes the tacky stuffed animal you won for us at the carnival is better than the gold earrings.
--We love it when you're good at something you enjoy. We don't care what it is — sports, fishing; hell, even cross-stitching or tap dancing. We just like to be proud of you.
--Men, as a rule, should not wear necklaces.
--When breaking up with a woman, just do it. Gently but firmly say that you're no longer interested. Yes, it will hurt. Break-ups always hurt.
--If we offer you gum, it means we want to kiss you later. It's not an insult; just take the gum.
--It is not your duty to e-mail us two years after we broke up to tell us you're engaged, especially if we aren't speaking. You may as well punch us in the stomach.
--We don't even know what fantasy football is.
--There is a difference between putting on cologne and bathing.
--We don't all like chick flicks.
--We want you to love your mother. We just don't want you to looooovvve your mother.
--Every woman you've ever dates imagined what her name would sound like with your last name.
--We enjoy Twilight even though it's a four-volume installment of a fantasy you'll never live up to. It doesn't mean that that's what we want, and it doesn't mean you're not great
--Pants should cover your butt.
--We like it when you kiss the top of our head.
--We want you to have your "guy time." In fact, if you don't have a great group of men to hang around, it's a turn-off.
--More back massages.
--At the end of a first date, just call us the next day if you liked us. You can wait three days if you want, but it will only piss us off.
--If I see you treat waitstaff or cashiers poorly, I will probably never date you.
--We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don't want is for you to ask us if we want dessert.
--Guys who go to Hooters to watch the game are usually the same guys who go to lunch at strip clubs for the free chicken-fried steak. Don't be one of those guys.
--Otis Redding said it perfectly: Try a little tenderness.
--Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you.
--We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?
--We love the fact that it takes you only twelve minutes to get ready for anything, be it black tie or a basketball game. When it takes longer than that... what are you doing in there?
--We are all about our necks. Feel free to spend as much time there as you wish. (ooo, its gettin risque!)
--All women love to be referred to as 'm'lady.' As in, 'Would you like another chip, m'lady?'
--Everything sounds better when your mouth is next to our ear and you whisper it. Everything from 'Sorry about the smell' to 'I'm going to love you forever, m'lady.'"
--Even if we've only been dating a few weeks, don't introduce us as your 'lady friend' — or that's exactly what we'll become.
--When we fall asleep before the end of the film, it's because we are happy and relaxed, not because we're bored of Live Free or Die Hard.
--Men who wear sunglasses at night don't look cool, rich, or sexy. They look as if they should be holding a cane or following a dog.
--If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.
--Pick the weirdest part of our body and compliment it. The left elbow, the forehead, shins. Just be creative.
--We hate baby showers as much as you assume a sane person would.
--If you defend a girl as 'really smart when you get to know her,' she is dumb. What you mean is, she's 'really smart for a smokin'-hot girl who is stupid.'
--Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.
--Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.
--Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.
--Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you. (wink wink)
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